The joy of befriending your neighbours, and tackling loneliness along the way – #NewYearNewUs

Author, journalist, and friend of the Campaign, Kate Leaver, moved over the UK 5 years ago. 12,500km away from her family and friends, she realised she was lonely. In this blog, she talks about the comfort and joy of making new connections with the people who live near us, and how being friendly with her neighbours helped combat loneliness along the way.

Cookies and community spirit

When my boyfriend and I moved into our place in North West London, the first thing he did was knock on our neighbour’s door. He baked a batch of the best triple chocolate cookies in the world and took some round to our immediate neighbours; the ones with whom we share a wall. He grew up in a little village in Sussex, you see, so he has this profound instinct for friendliness and community spirit. His mother enters her best raspberry jam into local competitions each year; they’re that sort of family.

“It’s significantly contributed to my feeling of belonging in our place, on our road and in our postcode.”

If it were up to me, I would have left my interactions with our neighbours quite minimal, basically out of shyness and awkwardness. I would have ventured a “good morning” if we saw each other on the street, maybe had a little chat if their mail turned up in our letterbox. Other than that, I don’t know that I would have pursued actual friendships. I am extremely grateful, and in fact delighted, that my sweet boyfriend instigated proper relationships with our neighbours. It’s significantly contributed to my feeling of belonging in our place, on our road and in our postcode.

Street parties and professional fairies

Every morning, I walk my dog to the park at the end of our street. On my way, I inevitably pass someone we know. We expanded past the neighbours on either side of us and started talking to anyone who’d listen, in our area. I pass by Simon, with his schnauzer. I stop to hear how Andra’s niece’s wedding went. I accept an invitation to Belinda’s 60^th birthday party. I peer into a pram to see Katherine and Paul’s tiny son.

“Being friendly with our neighbours has absolutely helped me combat loneliness.”

Every day, I have some sort of interaction with someone familiar who happens to live near me. It is a genuine joy, to feel so settled. There are a group of our neighbours who’ve lived in the area for something like 25 years. They organise a street party every summer. Our first year living there, we volunteered to help run it. My boyfriend was in charge of the BBQ and I ran children’s entertainment (I used to be a professional fairy). They were so excited to have new recruits and we had a completely lovely day.

Tackling loneliness

A staggering number of people in the UK couldn’t even name one person who lives on their street. As I say, had it not been for my boyfriend, I would have been one of them. It doesn’t occur to us, often, to befriend the people who live near us. We’re too polite, or too shy, or too wrapped up in our own lives. Or we think, for some reason, that being friends with your neighbours is old fashioned. It can be completely delightful, if you’re lucky enough to live near lovely people. I feel more at home in my street, knowing little bits of information about the people who live near us. We share sweets at Halloween, have a festive drink at Christmas and sometimes celebrate birthdays. It’s a joyous, comforting thing, to be familiar with the people who live so close. I recommend it wholeheartedly.

“Every day, I have some sort of interaction with someone familiar who happens to live near me. It is a genuine joy, to feel so settled.”

Being friendly with our neighbours has absolutely helped me combat loneliness. I moved to London about 5 years ago and I’ve built a life here with my beloved and my dog. It’s very easy to feel lonely, when you’re 12,500km away from your family and your original set of friends, like I have been. Making a home is so much about the people who come in and out of your life each day. It has made me feel so welcome and so settled, to know who lives in the buildings around us; to talk to them on the street; to watch as our dogs play at the park.

If you haven’t spoken to your neighbour, or perhaps you wouldn’t even know their name, please, consider changing that. It’s never too late or too awkward to drop round with a few cookies or a bottle of wine and suggest getting to know them. It’s a sensationally lovely thing to do.

#NewYearNewUs