Why I’m not celebrating Valentine’s Day this year

Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is upon us. But for those recently bereaved, single, or not celebrating for whatever reason, a day dedicated to being with the one you love can exacerbate feelings of loneliness if you are already feeling alone.

In this blog, our Comms Officer, Lexy Matthews, talks about why, whether you have a romantic partner or not, February 14 should be a day for creating connection in all our relationships and reaching out to those around us who may not have anyone to celebrate with.

I love love. From a young age, I have had a healthy obsession with romantic comedies, happy endings, and grand romantic gestures. I’ve celebrated wonderful Valentine’s Days, and I have nothing against the idea of showing your romantic partner how much you care about them. I just don’t think it should be confined to one day, and I don’t think it should be to the exclusion of the other forms of love that we experience in our lives. Namely, for me, female friendship.

That’s why, this year, I’m celebrating Galentine’s Day. The term, and day, was popularised by the television series, Parks and Recreation, and its main character, Lesley Knope. But in recent years, it has taken on a life of its own.

New year, new us

At the start of this year, as part of our Be More Us campaign, we launched, #NewYearNewUs – to encourage people to make 2020 the year of community, connection and conversation – whatever that means to you. It could be reconnecting with an old friend, making a new one, joining a volunteering group, or just spending less time on your phone, and more connecting with those around you.

Author, journalist and friend of the campaign, Kate Leaver, proclaimed that her New Year’s resolution was to be a better friend, and I couldn’t agree more. It’s easy to let friendships fall by the wayside when life gets busy and we focus on our partners, our jobs and our family. But when I think about the worst times in my life, it’s my best friends that have been there for me. They have been my support network, and my lifeline. Don’t those relationships deserved to be cherished just as much?

Mate night

That’s why, this year, one of my New Year’s Resolutions was to start a weekly ‘mate night’ with one of my best mates. We aim for Mondays and we alternate who chooses our plans. This week we went to the cinema, the week before we saw a play, and the week before that we tried a new restaurant in town.

Weekly dates might be too frequent for everyone’s schedule, but even if it’s monthly, just taking the time to schedule in that regular face-to-face time can make a huge difference to the quality of your relationships. It shows you care, it shows you’re making that friend your priority, and it’s also lovely to have that date in the diary to look forward to.

Reconnecting through pottery

When I moved back to my hometown a couple years ago, I realised I was lonely. Although I still had friends around, they had full-time jobs, relationships, hobbies, or friendship groups they’d formed whilst I was living elsewhere. I have since found purpose through my work, but also through reconnecting with old friends who I hadn’t seen in years and reigniting those meaningful connections.

I reconnected with someone I hadn’t seen since I was 12. We went for dinner and have since decided to take a 12-week pottery class together! I also recently got in touch with someone with whom I have occasionally exchanged ‘we should catch up!’ messages with for years, and we’re now heading to a Galentine’s Day creative workshop this week.

Small Moments Matter

I still occasionally bump into people I haven’t seen in years on my way home from work. Apart from a lovely distraction from the monotony of my commute, many of these conversations never go anywhere. And that’s ok. Small moments matter too. And for some, it could be the first conversation they’ve had all day.

There’s no one-size-fits-all fix for loneliness. And what worked for me is by no means the solution for anyone else. But what I will say is that reaching out, and reconnecting to those around you can make a difference – whether it’s a chat on your commute, or a deeper (platonic) connection over some clay!

So this February 14, let’s reach out, reconnect, befriend, and do whatever it takes to #EndLoneliness

And what am I doing on the day itself? I’m cooking a big pot of vegan chilli and having about 10 friends over for dinner. And I can’t wait.

#BeMoreUs